This is for all my fellow sisters, a mother, daughters, aunts
and girlfriends out there, who has already experienced or has
yet to experience real womanhood. I’m not just talking about
trying to survive and be strong, but about how much our influence
can change the next generation of women in our society.
I look at young girls and I hope that they try to make the right
decisions in life. I am a 25-year-old single mom with a 4-year-old
daughter. I’ve seen and experienced a whole lot and trust
me, its not over.
I’m sure there are women out there who are in the same
predicament as me or even worse and I hope you are trying to teach
others with knowledge of your own experience. That may not happen
over night or touch many, but just touching one makes a whole
lot of difference. Be strong!!!!
| One
good lesson I’ve learned in my life is that getting
an education is very important. I recommend every woman young
or old, no matter what, FINISH YOUR EDUCATION........... In
this country almost nothing is impossible and if you have
that drive to take your next step and reach your goal to make
your life more rewarding,then go for it. Some people have
told me, that school is not really cut out for them, or they
are too old and busy to go back to school. I think everyone
should at least give it a try. I know that it can take you
to a lot of places and be the best investment in your life.
Don’t give up hope. |
Take it slow and in the end your will see how fruitful your hard
work and sacrifice can be.
Another issue that women in our society face is our devotion
to our partners, no matter what the situation is. A lot of us
young women fall in love at a young age and get married to the
wrong person. What I mean by “ wrong person” is, someone
who does not respect you in any way. I’m sad to say that
there are women who are physically, mentally, and emotionally
abused, who endure such brutality day in and day out and just
accept it.
I’m speaking from my own experience and I know how difficult
it is. I’ve also met a few people who are or were in that
kind of a relationship. I think it’s unhealthy for any man,
woman or child to endure such pain. There are no excuses for this
type of behavior and any human being should not tolerate it. If
you are afraid of the abuser, you need to get help. There are
safe houses and organizations that can help you, break away from
this torture.
| You
may be afraid of people judging you and making you the topic
of the hottest gossip in town, don’t worry, it won’t
kill you. You may feel lonely, depressed and helpless at some
point. Eventually you notice that the pain and agony is no
longer hovering around you and peace of mind, is all that
you need to keep on living. I believe that you have to give
your self more credit for who you are and what your potentials
are. |
You definitely can’t change a person, if the person doesn’t
want to change. You have to make an effort to make changes within
yourself first in order to help the other person see their mistakes
and wrongdoing. If that doesn’t help, then I think its time
to move on.
Physical abuse can be anything from a push or a shove to a smack
or a beat down. I don’t care how good a man is; looks or
how tough he is, showing such violence is not an act of love.
Some may think that if it happens once it’s ok and it will
never happen again, but the sad truth is that it gets worse and
some day, real ugly.
I’m sure there are times when there aren’t any signs
of abuse physically, and other times there are the obvious ones
that people just hide. I’ve done it myself and ignored it,
and made a huge mistake by doing so.
| Take
control of the situation and do something about it because
the abuser doesn’t have much clue that what he is doing
is wrong. |
Some abusers are very apologetic and cry or do things to make
you feel sorry for them. Some even threaten to take their own
life if you don’t forgive him. Now that is a classic and
most common tactic to hold on to you, don’t fall for it.
After a while it becomes a cycle and they use it every time and
you just fall deeper and deeper into his web. Save your time and
energy for something better because you deserve better. I seriously
recommend that. That person doesn’t love himself and won’t
be able to show you love the same way you show him.
Emotional and mental abuse goes hand in hand and can make you
feel so weak and unworthy. Name calling, is what I call verbal
abuse but however way you put it, it’s still abuse and intolerable.
My uncle always tells me no matter how nasty an argument gets
never call each other names. It becomes a habit and you slowly
lose the love and respect you have for each other. I’m sure
there are times we call our partners a name or two and forgot
about it. Those awful names are words that stab you like a dagger
and remain like a bad scar when the wound is healed. Sometimes
it happens; we are human but when its used one to many times it
does not get erased that easily. It becomes a habit like any other
habits. After a while it stays on like a bad rash that you can’t
get rid of and it weakens a person’s self esteem. No one
in his or her right mind thinks that lowering someone’s
self esteem is the right thing to do.
No one has either the power or right to take over a person’
life. Adults make their own decisions and as long as mutual understanding
is established between couples, there is no need to for a woman
to be locked up at home all day or become a slave.
| Some
women can’t even go to the store or visit family and
friends without asking permission from their husbands. I can
just imagine how low and unworthy that person feels. That
is also abuse. |
To put a person down and use terrible descriptive words is morally
wrong. When abusive language is used to feel important or to boost
ones ego is just disgusting. Only a coward, who has nothing much
going on and feels like he has to prove himself, behaves like
this.
Abuse, is all that an abuser has to describe himself. Abuse is
very contagious and it’s very difficult to get out of when
you have children involved. Children, see and notice everything
and they are the ones to carry the burden of pain and pay a heavy
price in the end.
I got out of my relationship thinking I don’t want my daughter
to go through the same as I had. I didn’t want her to think,
that it’s ok to take abuse because “mommy” took
it.
| Our
kids look at us as a role model, a provider, and a friend,
and we should not disappoint them. I truly believe that the
best gift a father can give his child is to love his mother.
Kids grow up to be what they are shown in their lives. Abuse
should not even be a part of their vocabulary. |
It’s very difficult to raise kids in this day and age.
Some things should not be taught at home, there is plenty of things
out there that kids learn on their own. Be careful with your choices
of words and keep them away from abuse. They are our future and
lets show them that abuse is unacceptable.
I’m not encouraging divorces or trying to break up families,
but I’m here to voice my opinion on abuse and how it shouldn’t
be accepted.
| The
best advice I can give a couple is to try to work it out on
your own terms. Make that last effort. There are marriage
counselors if you choose to use professional help. |
Check with you medical insurance if they cover it. If not, you
have the choice of paying out of your pocket to save your marriage
and your family. If you can’t then it’s ok to seek
a mediator to help you. Life is too short not to live a content
one. We all need to think positive and address this issue seriously.
Changes are sometimes good and anything that is there to make
your life less complicated and more positive, don’t hesitate
to take it. You will be going on the right direction.
Phintso Tuladhar
Email opinions to:
Phintso_opinion@yahoo.com
