First a disagreement, eventually a quarrel, turns into an
argument, and finally a fight….most couples at this point
would already be considering divorce, after a few instances
it would almost be guaranteed. But couldn’t it be said
that arguments are necessary in the formation of a successful
marriage? Some people may argue that divorce is the only way
out, this has simply been used as an easy way out of a problem
as of recent, as people seem to have forgot the sanctity of
being married and have taken it for granted. It is for this
reason, amongst others, that I am completely against divorce
and believe that it should not be practiced anywhere under any
circumstances.
According to Robert Hughes, in an article published on the
web by the Department of Health and Human Development of the
Ohio State University, children have to undergo parental loss,
economic loss, more life stress, poor parental adjustment, lack
of parental competence, and exposure to interparental conflict.
William.S.Pol lack and Todd Shuster take on the voice of a young
child whose parents have been divorced and express his feeling
of loneliness and loss in the essay, “The Sting Of Divorce”
published in the Real Boys’ Vice and repeated in the 7th
ed of Elements Of Arguments: A Text and Reader on page 507.
I definitely agree with all of them as divorce often results
in the loss of a parent for the children and with this loss
children also lose the knowledge, skills and resources of that
parent. We get so used to having both the parents that after
their divorce we are left with a feeling of incompleteness and
emptiness. There is nobody that can replace a mother or a father.
During festivities like Losar, Christmas, New Years and Thanks-Giving
daddy won’t be there to decorate the house or mom won’t
be there to cook delicious food. There will be other kids laughing,
playing with their parents beside them while we feel unlucky
and unhappy as ever.
Children living in single parent families are less likely to
have as many economic resources as children living in intact
families. After a divorce there is a division of economic resources
and this leads to economic loss. Resources will be limited as
there is only one parent’s income available. It is even
worse for single parent families headed by mothers as they have
even lesser income than two-parent families. Things will no
longer be the same. You will have to change your living habits
and cut down on your expenditure.
According to David Blankenhorn in an article published in the
web, “divorced women get by on about 64% of the income
they had during marriage.” This means that their children
will have less money for school activities, clothes, opportunities
for traveling and learning and sometimes food. Children will
have to take up adult jobs in order to help finance their families,
they may be asked to care for younger siblings while their parent
goes to work. Children experience difficulties as a result of
these economic difficulties experienced in theses families.
Divorce often results in many changes in children’s living
situations such as changing schools, childcare, homes, etc.
I know of many such children who have had to make adjustments
to changes in relationships with friends and extended family
members. After your parents divorces you may have to go to a
different school, different community and you have to adjust
to new people and a new lifestyle. You may even have a new parent
with new siblings. You would have to call a stranger your dad
or mom. Divorce can change the picture of your perfect family
completely.
Divorce also has bad effects on society as it leads to youth
crime. With only a single parent around, children are ripe for
becoming anything their peers want them to be and they find
it hard to resist temptation to be dishonest or criminal. Now
a days two parents find it difficult to handle their children
so picture what can a single parent do? Both parents are necessary
for the proper upbringing of a child.
After a divorce there is no father to answer to or no mother
to feel guilty for. There won’t be any substitution for
baby sitting as there will be just one parent to do everything.
One parent cannot keep an eye on you for twenty-four hours.
In this way children spend more time with friends and are more
open and free to get into trouble. Children start partying all
night, missing classes, smoking weed and other harmful products
to get over their parents’ divorce. Divorce creates more
youth crime and damages society greatly.
David Blankenhorn says that “girls may decide to get
pregnant at this time so that she can get the love she needs
from her kids.” This does happen a lot, as kids feel lonely
and abandoned. They feel that by giving birth to their own kids
they can add new meaning to life and cover up their loneliness.
This creates more problems for society as you get young kids
dropping out from high school, unmarried, jobless mothers.
With the introduction of “no fault” marriages the
stigma has been reduced even further. Divorce has affected society
by reducing the stigma. The stigma is almost gone. Nowadays
you even get books on doing your own divorce. One can get a
divorce by phone or fax in about three days. Divorce has definitely
reduced family values, the importance of marriage. Marriage
has now become an ordinary festivity. People just walk in and
walk out of marriages. It’s like you walk into a party,
get drunk, dance, get bored and then walk out of it.
According to Laura Cantera, in an article published in the web
by Brigham Young University News Net, children from divorced
families have to fight stereotypes. They are not considered
normal and are separated from the others. They are treated indifferently.
People think that just like their parents they too will not
be able to have a lasting marriage.
According to Todd .E. Linaman, in an article published in the
Web, 70% of couples divorce due to “low conflict”
marriage meaning these marriages could potentially be saved,
and that continuing the marriage would not produce negative
stress for the child than would ending the relationship and
only 30% of couples divorce due to “high conflict”
marriages meaning that the couple frequently engages in hostile,
aggressive and destructive fighting.
It is very true that many couples divorce not for the kids’
happiness but for their own. Some couples do not even try to
work things out. They are stubborn and selfish. They do not
want to compromise. Divorce is a selfish act in which children
fall victim.
My Uncle and Aunt had an arranged marriage, i.e. their parents
chose them for each other and not they themselves. They didn’t
love each other before marriage and till today they don’t
love each other. They quarrel about almost everything and everyday.
It makes me sad to see them fight like that but I am happy to
know that they are together and not divorced. I know it’s
sad to see parents fight but no fight will ever last as long
as a divorce, no sadness can overcome the sadness of having
a single parent. What I mean here is that you see your parents
fight, you cry and then you go back to your daily routine but
in case of a divorce there is no going back. You have to live
through the pain your entire life. Even time cannot heal such
a scar.
